Dear Mr. Bourdain,
I am going to be frank I am somewhat misguided. My friend and I were just discussin how traveling would help me make a decision in life and suggested I apply to your show. I cusses like a sailor, which would be perfect for your new wing(wo)man! I also love food and is willing to meet random interesting people. I would to get some more information on how I can get involved!

sincerely,

needs direction
ADC

You forgot to add your writing and spelling talents as pluses as well.

Everybody wants to make their way into Tony's life so they can be rich and famous.

No Reservations isn't hiring.

In case they are, I suggest that you have a criminal background and live with Bipolar.

Good luck on your journey.