1. I am two hours from the Mexico border, in SOUTH Phoenix,Oooh, so the markets and food are REALLY good if you are brave enoght to meet the illegal immigrants. Like really, really good food. DON'T do it! Instant walk-up, "get out" street tacos, tongue and organs. Stay away. I don't think they have Purell. Every stand has their own version of salsa and treats. If fresh vegetables scare you when they are stacked 8 foot high next to either carnival rides or simply the horchata station, don't come here.

ALSO, it does take TIME to find your favorite treats, especially when you have to factor in what time of day it is, who is open, and what you NEED at that moment. These are simply too many decisions to make. AND...ANOTHER downside... people DO speak a lot of Spanish around here in my area. That might bother you. You can go to Scottsdale and buy some tourquoise if that calms you after your taco-stand guilt hits you. Damn... the food is good, but could you be arrested?

2. ANOTHER inconvenience. We are two hours SOUTH of the northern pine/snow country (Oh my GOD that's a long way!) where white, camouflaged people DO like to hunt things like elk and bear and then actually EAT them. I include my Republican cousins in this mix. They are a white/Trinidad mix. No pork, but elk is fine. We have way too much fun on these trips, but argue much over the state of politics; a situation you might want to avoid unless you bring your own tent and port-a-potty. You will need both. You can be certain that where they camp, you will not see another soul, and they are armed. DO NOT GO THERE. It might inconvenience you to bring your own axe and herbs. However,very nice people will show you a good time and provide you with something to put your herbs on.

4.DO NOT COME HERE IF YOU DONT LIKE PRIMITVE FOOD AND ARCHITECTURE IN ONE PLACE There is the beautiful San Xavier Mission just south of Tucson on the way to Nogales,Mexico; with the most breathtaking and historic frescoes and devotions that cannot be matched by another. YOU SHOULD NOT GO HERE! I am afraid it might make you cry a little, and even encourage you to deposit a dollar for the continuing restoration when you leave. Unfortunately, their incredible streetfood served outside of this place is housed with a tarp, not in an annex of the historic Mission next to it. Beware the tarp... food good. It might just be fry bread, oh but much more on some days.



3. DO NOT COME HERE if you want to avoid the home of much good music. That could be bothersome and confusing. WE are home to great local and visitor punk, Meat Puppets, Sun City Girls, JFA (locals); all others from other western towns; SD,Misfits,Black Flag,Camper Van Beethoven...whatever, they were so close to here that they would roll in, have a place to crash and then head home the next day. More skate punk from CA than you could handle, 20 years ago, and all that went with it. I was one of three independent music buyers for two tiny shops with the newest vinyl that anyone could buy. There were perks. Iggy was here too.


4. ANOTHER reason not to come here; Didn't someone from the travel channel already visit? I'm pretty sure they "Alice-Coopered it" and left. Come see a backyard butcher within 3 blocks of the D-back's stadium. Still rural happenin', they raise it fresh from home. They are my neighbors and also chefs and butchers from Mexico. They know what they are doing and believe in fresh, home raised food. When the D-back field is in sight of the back yard farm, it is quite the urban visual mix. Just ignore the dogs barking.

5. DON"T come here because someone tells you that the best thing about Chandler (10 minutes from Phoenix, and the town is about 5 minutes old) is a heart attack burger. I think we can all create that at home under any circumstances.


There is more to Phoenix than authentic Mexican food. You can get good Thai, Indian...whatever. I like MY mole and enchiladas better than anything I can go buy at any restaurant, but I know who rules in the salsa department. And Salvadoran? Eliana's, bring on the pupusas and the steamed fish with garlic. Just be ready to wait an hour or so.

I never heard of Bourdain until 2 months ago but have been so impressed since. What an amazing life so far. I bought a copy of something for six bucks at the local used/new store.I have the most respect for his writing and honesty; and apparently not being dead yet. A VERY brave man. I feel it.

If you come to Phoenix, give me a ring. Yo hablo espanol pero soy toda gringa. Tengo una familia en el sud de Phoenix. Quatro muchacos artistictos y intelligentes. Hey, just kidding. I can show you around.

But really. you should NOT come here. You have better things to do and so do I. It would be a shame to let any outsider see the beauty of the bleak desert. Oh, and the forest above, and the foreign country below, and oh yeah, you can be in San Diego in 6 hours on a surfboard in Pacific Beach. It is all so inconvenient. It is probably better that people think that old people like Wonder Woman, the singer from Judas Priest, the dude from SNL, Kevin Johnson and Alice just retire here.